See Full Testimony Here
"Dear children! I call you to decide completely for God. I beseech you, dear children, to surrender yourselves completely and you shall be able to live everything I am telling you. It shall not be difficult for you to surrender yourselves completely to God. Thank you for having responded to my call."
Our Lady's Medjugorje Message, January 2, 1986
The following morning I awoke sitting in a chair in our living room with this precious Medjugorje Rosary in my hand.. What I've not yet mentioned also was that about a year or so prior to this powerful moment of conversion in my life, Saul learning to become like Paul, our land lady Florence who also became a friend, and very much like a mother to Elizabeth and & I, had made a pilgrimage to Medjugorje.. And while she was there she prayed for our family..
Now how many of you were heeding Our Lady's call to prayer and praying for conversions let's say about 5 years ago? You were praying for me! Did you know that! Thank you my friends.. This wrenched waste of a sinner that I was standing on the footsteps of hell! Well, now of course you did not know who I was, but you were certainly praying for me... and as a result, I am here today giving my own conversion testimony.. Pretty awesome stuff huh!! :D
That was the biggest wake-up call for me! The evening before, as I read Our Lady's messages, and truth began to work inside of my heart, a truth that was eager to set me free if I should decide to heed this truth, was that it had suddenly occurred to me right there in that moment, that if I was to let's say, walk outside my door and be struck down by a car and killed, or had taken a sudden massive heart attack, I faced Hell.. Yes, Hell!! There was no debating this reality.. I was in deep deep mortal sin and I suddenly realized it..
The Catechism states; 1033 We cannot be united with God unless we freely choose to love him. But we cannot love God if we sin gravely against him, against our neighbor or against ourselves: "He who does not love remains in death. Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."610 Our Lord warns us that we shall be separated from him if we fail to meet the serious needs of the poor and the little ones who are his brethren.611 To die in mortal sin without repenting and accepting God's merciful love means remaining separated from him for ever by our own free choice. This state of definitive self- exclusion from communion with God and the blessed is called "hell."
Sounds like a perfect opportunity for despair does it not? This is exactly where I was at in my life prior to this moment of illumination of conscience.. But that's the miraculous beauty of it all! Was that in a great moment of true illumination of conscience, as I was shown all my sinfulness, all my faults, all that I had done horrible to others, all the times I rejected Christ by rejecting others he put in my life, all the times I spit in Christ's face by spitting in the face of others, instead of severe chastisement, agonizing admonishment and punishment, instead, Jesus stood before me as the Risen Christ arms outstretched saying, "I am here... your burden is heavy and My yoke is light.. struggle no more my child.. instead, come, follow me, and I will give you rest.. Instead of despair, I found consolation and love..
As painful as it is to admit, I treated people really horrible... But when it comes to painfully sharing my past, I don't mind sharing about myself for one reason and one reason only.. Maybe my sharing will help someone else out there one day who maybe needs to hear it because they are going through something similar.. I was very selfish in nature.. If there was nothing in it for me I was indifferent towards others.. I was great at being a taker, not so great at giving of myself.. especially unconditionally, no strings attached.. My wife and children suffered the most through all of this... They often bore the brunt of it..
What does it mean to be evil? To be of this world? For that matter, what does it mean to be satanic? Well, Jesus tells us that the greatest Commandment is to Love God with all our heart & all our mind.. The second of these two which in essence really goes hand in hand together is, to love our neighbor.. So, it only makes perfect sense that to be evil, to be satanic means to serve self... the direct opposite of loving God and loving others.. Without delving into the garbage of satanism, I will note that the opening verse of the satanic bible reads, "Do what thou whilst and worry not of the consequences.." Not that I have read it.. I have no interest in doing so nor do I encourage anyone else to.. all of us ought really just stay completely away from this stuff! However, this is something I was made aware of some years ago in doing research for my book..
So if this is true satanism, then I must admit looking back in hindsight prior to the start of my conversion and realize how close I was to going straight to Hell had I suddenly died at any given time during all those years away from the Church.. It's just a fact.. an extremely frightening one at that!! But then, see, that's why God is so merciful! He is not about fear.. And He is not solely about justice but with complete fullness of mercy.. And on that powerful day of conversion I experienced that ultimate powerful mercy first hand.. I deserved Hell! No question about it!! Yet here was Jesus saying, "But no, I don't want you in Hell my friend.. I want you in heaven with Me.. Please, please follow Me..."
